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FLYING – Part Two – STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS
Click here for FLYING – Part One – HANG ON DUDE Oh! Here we go! A little bumpy and this freaking hang gliding hammock is swaying around like a tea towel in a tornado, but still, exciting! Holy Cow! We...
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Pwall-Ticka-Abe
I decided to take a break from clearing cedar trees around The Ugly Duckling and spend a day at home, sewing curtains for her naked windows. I’d purchased the fabric on-line two years ago at the very...
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CRAZIES’ CLOWN COLLEGE GONE WRONG
Last summer, in a fit of Crazie, I booked a beach house in the Outer Banks with way too many fifteen family members – another nine were in a house down the block. What could possibly go wrong with that...
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Dental Denial
“Hmmmm” the dental assistant diagnosed as she cleaned my teeth. She slid from the room and returned with the dentist. Without a word, my mouth was pried open and mirrors and tapping tools inserted....
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UNICORNS, MOUNTAIN LIONS AND BRUSH HOGS
A couple of years ago, when my aunt died, she left me a fairly worthless piece of farmland about sixty miles from my home. I know the land is worthless because my Grandpa said so in his will. A third...
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BILLY BOB’S RURAL COMPOUND
I sat in my car surveying Billy Bob’s rural compound. A crash involving a battered Barbie car, a hula-hoop and a rusted barrel lay in the weeds. In front of me were half a dozen crumbling carcasses of...
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THIS DAD vs. THAT DAD
“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” This was Dad in the emergency room, large hands out in front of him as if to push away a charging bull. “No one asked me if I was okay with a girl doctor.” I smacked him on the...
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Meet The Mayor of Crazie Town
Hello, my long-lost readers. Wait. You weren’t lost, I was. You may be asking, WTF? Why did The Mayor go from writing a hilariously funny and entertaining post every week, to barely a dozen over the...
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I WANT TO WRITE, BUT I DON’T? WON’T? CAN’T?
I want to write, but I don’t write. Or maybe it’s that I won’t write? No. For sure it’s that I can’t write. Last night I vowed, as I do every night, that come morning, I would sit down in front of my...
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I’M A SLOW LEARNER
The back door to the house I grew up in, swung out onto a set of narrow concrete steps. With no handrail, opening the storm door on a windy March day was like raising full sail in a hurricane. That was...
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HOME SICK FROM SCHOOL
I’m fourteen years old, home sick from school, and someone is pounding on the front door. Who comes out to the country and wants to visit in the middle of the day? No one I want to talk to. The dogs...
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Home Sick From School – Part Two
…Click here for where we left off last week… “We were robbed,” I wail into the yellow telephone receiver. “Did they?” Mom gasps …”Take the TV?” I say I don’t know and she tells me she’ll call the...
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A Table the Size of a Plymouth and Other Stories of Home
The rooms in the house I grew up in were used and they were used hard. That’s what happens when you cram eight kids and two adults in a two bedroom, one-bathroom house. The single-story home was...
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SOCKS?? Noooooooo.
“SOCKS?” I shouted at Husband. “Um…yes…socks.” He shot me a, my-wife-has-finally-gone-over-the-edge look. “You never said anything about buying socks before I got in the car.” I pressed my hands...
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Scrubbing Bubbles and Spiders
Today’s another day of asking myself why we bought this house. Our original intention was to downsize. Then our house sold on the first day and we found ourselves in an apartment that we hated and we...
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Startin’ a Far
Right now, I’m sitting in my living room reading over legal documents about my aunt’s will and laughing out loud to Despicable Me 2. Earlier today I was at the farm using a chainsaw and directing a guy...
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Deaf Puppies, Firemen and Squats
Had an exciting day with my trainer – the one that I hate because he’s trying to kill me but also love because he’s trying to make me healthy. Anyway, today — as I was pumping iron — I noticed the...
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I’m an Addict
After yesterday’s blog post, I got lots of encouragement and one great idea. Change focus. So instead of talking about writing I’m going to talk about television. I ‘m not much of a drinker and I’ve...
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Standing Room Only
When I was a kid, television watching was a full contact sport. Our black and white TV was a giant metal box that dominated our living room. It was 50’s brown and sat on a black wire stand that...
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Wrasser. Fraser.
Are these curse words for any other families? My Dad uttered it daily, when he couldn’t find a tool, or his shoes, or anything to eat. That’s how I feel right now. I can’t find a story to write....
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